


That Stupid Emerald App

by imagineagreatadventure



Series: JB Week 2017 [5]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff, Online Dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 06:44:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12271032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imagineagreatadventure/pseuds/imagineagreatadventure
Summary: Jaime wakes up to find that Tyrion signed him up on a dating site.And Brienne is one of his matches.





	That Stupid Emerald App

**Author's Note:**

  * For [merrymegtargaryen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrymegtargaryen/gifts).



> Prompted with: _Stop texting me weird stuff so late at night._

“Drink.” Tyrion handed Jaime another can of shitty beer. 

“It’s too hoppy,” Jaime complained but still drank, trying not to think of today’s disaster featuring his beloved cousin, Cersei.

“She’s an ass,” Tyrion said. “And you need hoppier beers. And happier women.”

“That’s what you need,” Jaime corrected, thinking of Tyrion’s latest dating failure. “Look at us, two handsome men --”

“I’m handsomer --”

“Of course, of course,” Jaime laughed, suddenly grateful his brother was here with him. At the dingiest dive bar in King’s Landing where the smell of urine was just as pungent as the smell of beer. “But we’re both terrible with women, would you agree with that?”

“No,” Tyrion said, pursing his lips. “I’m just unlucky. You’re terrible.”

Jaime laughed again and had another swig. The beer bottle shook in his hand. “I don’t even like her much.”

“You love her,” Tyrion said. “And for some stupid reason you think that’s enough. Probably because of singers and their terrible songs. Let me sing you a new one: get laid by someone who isn’t our cousin.”

Jaime thought this over. “No, I can’t.” Not unless it’s  _ her.  _ “Let’s just go home.”

“Your place or mine?” Tyrion purred and Jaime laughed again, stumbling as he got out of the sticky booth. He didn’t want to know what it was sticky from -- no matter what the answer was it would not be pleasant. 

The cab ride home was rather silent, Tyrion playing on some game on his phone. “What is that?” Jaime asked, the bright emerald light from the phone irritating him. 

“Wildfyre.”

“What the hell is that?”

Tyrion gaped. “You have been off the game for a while, haven’t you, brother?”

“What is it?” Jaime asked again, the alcohol in his system making him impatient. He couldn’t tell if he was slurring.

“A dating app, look you swipe right,” at this Tyrion swiped right on a pretty brunette. “And if a match comes up it means she swiped right on you too.”

“What does swipe right mean?”

“It means she wants to bone you.”

Jaime smirked. “And then what?”

“You talk, pretend to care about each other enough to go on a date, and then fuck,” Tyrion paused in his assessment. “Well, I know a few people who keep dating but that’s how I use the app.” He looked at Jaime with amusement. “I should make you a profile.”

“No,” Jaime said, firm and thinking of emerald eyes.  _ Or were they sapphires? _ He couldn’t remember. “I don’t need it.”

“Well, give me your phone anyways, we don’t want you calling Cersei drunk. Or worse, Brienne.”

Jaime winced. “She hates me,” he said, forlorn as Tyrion paid their driver. 

“Probably. You did text her a lot last time this happened. Girls don’t usually like that unless you’re having sex with them.”

Jaime imagined having sex with Brienne and smiled. Tyrion saw the expression and made a face. “Let’s get you inside before you start --”

“Don’t need to that thought, you bother,” Jaime said. 

“To _ what _ that thought?”

“Finish.”

Tyrion snickered.

* * *

When Jaime awoke the next morning with a headache the size of the Wall, he was surprised to find Tyrion still at his apartment.

With Jaime’s phone in his hand. “What are you doing?” Jaime demanded, wincing as his own loud voice reverberated in his head. 

“Made you a Wildfyre profile,” Tyrion said. “Also was bored and texted Brienne on your behalf.”

“You did **what** ?”

“I also swiped right on her. You guys matched, by the way.”

Jaime leapt for his phone and grabbed it from his little brother’s hand. “We did?”

Tyrion’s grin was diabolical. “The thing is -- she doesn’t know it’s you. I only used shirtless pictures with your head cut off in them. Who knew sweet, honorable Brienne was so shallow?” 

Jaime glanced at the profile Tyrion set up and would have laughed if he wasn’t so angry. Who he was angry at -- well, he wasn’t sure. “These are all from the beach! Why did you take my head off?”

“I wanted to see if I could get girls with just your body and boy did I. Look at how many matches you have.”

The numbers were high. Perhaps it should have been gratifying but the only woman he wanted to see was Brienne. “What is this username you gave me?” he asked first, not willing to admit his interest in Brienne to his brother just yet. Even if it was obvious he was interested in the stubborn woman. “Wildlion?”

Tyrion shrugged. “I was feeling uncreative.”

“What’s her username?”

“KnightofSapphires,” Tyrion responded. “Which is funny because I can only recall you saying her eyes are like sapphires…”

“I was drunk then,” Jaime said. “And she didn’t seem to like it.”

“Oh but you were  _ drunk _ ,” Tyrion reminded him. “I could tell she liked it very,  _ very  _ much. She even said your eyes were like emeralds under her breath. And, in any case, before you look at that Wildfyre conversation with her, perhaps you should text her back instead.” Jaime switched to the Raven app and groaned. Tyrion had sent about half a million memes to her. “I particularly like that her only response is  to say  _ ‘Stop texting me weird stuff so late at night’ _ ,” Tyrion said cheerfully. 

“She’s going to judge me,” said Jaime.

Tyrion was unperturbed. “Well, yes, it is  _ Brienne _ . Now go back to the Wildfyre app. I need you to see how she’s responding to your come-ons.”

“Did you message anyone else on this stupid thing?”

Tyrion smiled before taking a sip of his coffee. “No, just her. Although pretty of ladies messaged you. I have to say, I might start believing that you’re the good-looking brother. But then I remember I didn’t give you a face on here so obviously, I’m still more handsome. None of these women would swipe right if they knew just how unattractive you are.”

Jaime ignored his brother and glanced over the messages which were full of… “Are these sex jokes?”

“She seemed to enjoy them, surprising me.”

“I don’t think Brienne is running this account,” Jaime said, stealing Tyrion’s mug and taking a sip _. Ugh.  _ There wasn’t any sugar in the coffee. “I’m going to apologize to her for wasting her time.”

“Are you insane?” Tyrion asked, swiping his mug back from Jaime. “You know how sensitive she is about her looks. How do you think she’ll feel hearing that a friend swiped right on her as a joke. Just… ghost her or tell her it’s you or something!”

“What the hell is ghosting?”

Tyrion burst into delighted laughter. “You really have been out of the game.”

The laughter worsened the dull, throbbing pain in the front of Jaime’s skull. “Just shut up if you’re not going to help me.”

“Oh, I’ll help you.”

Tyrion’s version of helping did not match Jaime’s. “I am not going to keep flirting with her.”

“She liked the sex jokes.”

“I’m telling you, that’s not her,” Jaime insisted. “It’s probably her friend Margaery.”

Tyrion took another sip of his coffee. “Is Margaery hot?”

“Ha. Ha. Ha.”

“I wasn’t joking.”

* * *

Jaime debated about deleting the account as soon as Tyrion left. He did delete all the other messages in the account leaving only Brienne’s face up. It was a good picture of her. Her startling, beautiful big blue eyes arrested you as soon as you looked at the picture, quickly followed by her long legs that were only covered by the shortest jean short Jaime had ever seen. He didn’t recognize this picture but it looked fairly recent -- she had only got her hair cut to her shoulder in the last six months or so. She wasn’t smiling in the picture (she  _ never _ smiled in photos) but still something about her…

Her other pictures were just as fascinating. There was one of her in a bathing suit and Jaime had to sit down after seeing it. She wasn’t a beauty but there was so much strength in her muscles and her eyes and her heart.

After stalking, Jaime knew he had to decide what to do about messaging her. Did he just ignore her? Actually talk to her? What if Margaery still had her phone?

His phone buzzed with a message from the Raven app and he saw it was from the girl he was sweating over. _ “Are you still meeting me for a run?” _

This at least he could do.

As always it was a close call near the imagined finish line. “Beat you!” he crowed to her and then almost fell on the pavement. 

Brienne, to her credit, didn’t laugh as he leaned over a public trash can. She, at least, was standing fully upright which made Jaime suspect she was taking it easy on him today. “Mhm,” she said instead, looking distracted.

“Whatsamatter?” Jaime asked, still unable to create a full sentence. His mouth wasn’t working right -- his tongue felt thick and he had a desperate need for water. 

She scowled. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t have another idiot crush do you?” he asked, except it sounded more like:  _ “you-donn-ave-anonneri-diot-rushdya?” _

Brienne flushed. “No, Margaery made me one of those Wildfyre accounts.”

How had he never heard of the stupid emerald colored app before this? “Sure,” he rasped out.

She grabbed his arm and helped him away from the trash can. “You should wash your hands,” she scolded.

“Yes, Mother.”

Brienne’s hand tightened on his forearm. “Stop it.”

He obeyed and let her drag him to a nearby cafe. “Two waters and eggs and sausage, please,” she told the waitress. Jaime let Brienne talk of other things for a solid sixty seconds before jumping back to the topic he was dying to address. “So Wildfyre?”

“It’s that stupid dating app,” Brienne said, looking away from Jaime. Her hands, which had been dancing on the table, were now in her lap. “Margaery made me sign up and it’s been awful. She was the one answering all the messages.”  _ Hah _ , Jaime thought.  _ I was right _ . “And some of them have been terrible messages.”

“Nothing like anonymity to show everyone’s true colors,” Jaime commented. 

“One guy only sent sex jokes.” _ Gods damn it, Tyrion. “ _ And all of his pictures were him shirtless. He didn’t even show his face.” 

Jaime wanted to hide his own face. He was only grateful that Brienne was looking away and could not see the spark of dread in his own emerald eyes. He was even more grateful when the waitress interrupted their conversation with glasses of water. 

Taking a long swig of the water he watched Brienne frown. “I wish I didn’t let her make me that profile. I’m going to delete it. Everyone there is awful.” There was hurt in her face. Deep painful hurts. 

“It’s funny you bring all this up, Brienne,” Jaime said, wishing he wasn’t saying anything at all. “Because Tyrion made me a profile on Wildfyre last night without my knowledge and spent the whole evening swiping on my behalf.”

Brienne blue eyes met his green. “Really?”

“I found out this morning,” Jaime licked his lips. “I have to say you were the only match I was happy about.”

She gaped at him. It would have been funny if it wasn’t all so… happening to him right now. “I was the shirtless guy with no face. I guess Tyrion thought it was funny to do that. And to send you sex jokes.” Jaime couldn’t tell if that was anger replacing the hurt or if it was amusement. The two feelings looked eerily similar on Brienne.

The only thing you could hear was the din of the rest of the cafe from the laughter at the other table to the dinging of metal spoons.“Why did he swipe right on me?” she asked. “Was it a joke?”

“No! Not at all, you’re a favorite of his,” Jaime said.

Brienne looked skeptical and Jaime had to laugh. “He thought it’d be funny to do that to me?”

“He did, but not the way you think.”

“Then in what way, Jaime?”

“I like you,” Jaime said. “Other than Tyrion, you’re probably my favorite person in the world. That’s why he did it.”

“Your… favorite person?” 

What would Brienne do when confronted with something like this? She would tell the truth -- something Jaime was not as familiar with. Still, she rubbed off on him and that was why he spilled out his feelings for her in cafe. 

She was silent by the end of it, silent and wide-eyed. “You’re not joking?”

_ “Why would I joke?” _ Jaime almost asked but remembered the sorts of men Brienne was used to and so reached out to touch her hand. She was warm. “I would never joke about this.”

A brilliantly bright smile erupted from her and Jaime almost had to shy away from it -- it was too much like the sun and his head was pounding still. “I -- I didn’t know.”

“How could you know?” he asked. “I barely knew.”  _ I still barely know _ , he thought, remembering his fight with Cersei.  _ I will have to deal with that later _ . Brienne’s smile grew smaller but no less bright and Jaime decided to deal with Cersei sooner than later. He never wanted to see Brienne’s smile dim. “Would you have let Margaery swipe right on me if you had known it was me?”

Brienne rolled her eyes but clutched his hand tighter. “As if I could stop her.”

Jaime laughed and realized, with surprise, that he was happy. “Perhaps we should get Margaery and Tyrion together.”

“I think the world would end if we did that.”

“Then perhaps we shouldn’t,” Jaime said, “as I’m finally beginning to like the world.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked the story!! Here's your rec ;)
> 
>  **[Empty Doorways](http://archiveofourown.org/works/745352)** \-- by ssstrychnine:  
>  _Written for this anonymous prompt on the asoiaf kink meme: Brienne really doesn't know how to react when she finds out Jaime is a weepy, affectionate drunk. Especially when he's draped over one shoulder telling anyone who will listen that she is his very best friend in the whole world and demanding that she hug him._
> 
>  **[First Date](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4266972)** \-- by downlookingup:  
>  _Cyber pen pals Brienne and Jaime agree to meet, but things get ugly. You've Got Mail AU_


End file.
